reading old blog posts on my livejournal

makes me so nostalgic

ballet will always be my first love.” - June 8, 2010

i’ve just come to realize that san francisco is my home now.
i never ever thought i’d really believe that.: -June 2, 2010

he told me he thinks i’m perfect.
i didnt know what to say.” -June 2nd, 2010

and four years ago i did the same thing and re-read my journal and summed it up, and have even forgetting a lot of these things, particularly that i was a sad little girl.  

i saw how sad i used to be. i was so unhappy, and i wish i would understand why. i read about when i would mutilate myself to the point that my arms still have scars on them today. i’m so happy i got over that. i’m so happy i’m happy now.
i saw how much my dad being gone effected me, and i never thought it did. i talked about it so much, but i never thought it was a big deal he was always gone.
i saw my friendships with laura and darlene grow to be what they are today.
i saw when i used to get drunk, and how sad it made me. i never liked how i felt about it afterwards and would complain about it. i had alternative reasons for drinking. not for having fun.
i relived the first time i smoked weed. and then proceeded to smoke weed continuously for the next few years. i saw how when i stopped drinking around the same time, i got so much happier. weed really does make you happy.
i relived my pill-popping phase.
i read about my school dances. and school in general, and how much i really hated school (and still do).i’m just not cut out for that bullshit.
i saw my brother become a drug addict, and how i did everything i could and it didnt make a difference.
i saw the problems between my mom and i.
i wrote about when laura became addicted to drugs, and how she went to rehab. i thought she would never be the same. but it all has worked out.
i remembered getting my permit, my license, and getting pulled over for the first time.
i got to think back to my junior year of highschool and how blissful it was.
i read about the new friendships that emerged. and those who faded away over time.
i talked about going to disneyland a few times a week. boy do i miss that.
i read about my first salvia experience.
and how two years ago today i tried ecstasy for the first time.
i remembered how i found out i was going to get drug tested, and proceeded to chop all my hair off,
i saw my style change. my music taste change.
i relived my first acid trip.
i complained about my senior year of highschool, and how i didnt know where to go for college.
i noticed that its almost been a year since my dog died. i miss her so much.
i moved to san francisco, and things have changed.” -May 25th, 2010

Have you watched 'I Am Divine'? I think it was recently added to Instant Netflix.

saw it at the castro theater and it was so amazing i cried and the audience cried and cheered at all the right moments